Just had another doc appointment. Everything went good. I told him I was having dizzy spells. (2 different days, a couple weeks apart. 1 dizzy spell the first time, 4 spells - in one night - the 2nd time)
I know being dizzy is normal, but I was waking up in the middle of the night to switch positions and as soon as I move everything starts spinning and I get sick to my stomach. I never actually threw up and it goes away after 30 seconds or so. I'm still laying down and the only movement I made was rolling over.
I was a little worried about it because everyone I talked to had never had something like that happen to them. The doc said it has something to do with the babys position on my organs (or something like that). But if it continues to happen we'll have to run some tests. He said as of now it doesn't look to be a problem with the baby or pregnancy. Hopefully I won't have anymore spells.
I thought he would push my due date back a few days, but he said for them to change it it needs to be 10+ days off. Since mine was only 3 days different there was no need to change it. Sept 22nd it is. So maybe if I'm lucky she'll be here around the 25th or so. I'm measuring on track and she seems to be doing just great.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Feelings
I've been reading some blogs the past little while and felt I should write some of my feelings down. One of the blogs was a recent birth story that reminded me of my own, and the other was a friend being candid about her feelings after she delivered her child. And I want to do the same. I don't want this to come off in a negative way, but my feelings weren't all good. And now that I'm pregnant again I've been thinking about them a lot.
When Taegen was born I put my birth story on here. I just read through it and there was only a few sentences of what I felt...
"This has all been a pretty traumatic experience. It all seems a little surreal. Almost like it's not my baby and he's a nephew of mine or something. I'm sure this feeling will pass when we get to hold him a little more."
I remember after he was born I called my sister Stephanie and was telling her what happened. When I first started the conversation I started getting teary eyed, but held it back. Then from then on out I felt like I was just spouting facts. "they had to take him down to the NICU. Jon got to go with him, but I'm still in the delivery room". She asked me how I was doing and I said I was doing ok. For some reason I felt like I shouldn't cry. That it would be over reacting or something. Looking back on that I know that thats ridiculous. It was my first baby and a scary situation. I should have felt comfortable crying, but for some reason I didn't. I remember being glad that at least Jon was able to go down to the NICU with him. I was also really jealous. Shortly after Jon and all the doctors left with Taegen, my midwife (who stayed with me through the whole delivery) got a call and had to leave. This left me all alone just minutes after seeing my son hauled out of the room with problems that were practically unknown to me. I remember feeling a whole different range of emotions. lonely. sad. scared. shocked. angry. overwhelmed. It was then and only then that I shed some tears. It all felt very surreal. This was not the birth I had wanted. Why did things have to turn out this way? I don't feel the way I expected to feel. I felt bad for having these feelings. Everything I had read talked about feelings of bliss and happiness. I was happy, don't get me wrong, I just felt like things weren't right and almost like I was having someone else's experience with their child, not mine. The feelings went away after I was able to go down to the NICU to see and hold him (this wasn't for a couple hours. The epi had to wear off enough for me to be able to move before they would let me go down).
I know a lot of these feelings were because of the situation. I really feel like I would have "enjoyed" everything a lot more if I would have gotten the home birth that I wanted, if Taegen didn't have to go to the NICU, if I was able to hold him immediately afterwards, etc. I don't feel like the connection between mother and child came until the next day. It was then that we were able to be more "parents" to him and hold him whenever we wanted. I still loved him, but I didn't really feel like he was mine until the next day.
I don't know if any of this is making sense but I felt that I needed to "journal" my feelings even though they weren't 100% positive or happy.
***I love my son with all my heart. None of the things I was feeling were negative towards him. More so towards the situation. I am in no way saying I didn't love him or want him. I just want to make that clear.
When Taegen was born I put my birth story on here. I just read through it and there was only a few sentences of what I felt...
"This has all been a pretty traumatic experience. It all seems a little surreal. Almost like it's not my baby and he's a nephew of mine or something. I'm sure this feeling will pass when we get to hold him a little more."
I remember after he was born I called my sister Stephanie and was telling her what happened. When I first started the conversation I started getting teary eyed, but held it back. Then from then on out I felt like I was just spouting facts. "they had to take him down to the NICU. Jon got to go with him, but I'm still in the delivery room". She asked me how I was doing and I said I was doing ok. For some reason I felt like I shouldn't cry. That it would be over reacting or something. Looking back on that I know that thats ridiculous. It was my first baby and a scary situation. I should have felt comfortable crying, but for some reason I didn't. I remember being glad that at least Jon was able to go down to the NICU with him. I was also really jealous. Shortly after Jon and all the doctors left with Taegen, my midwife (who stayed with me through the whole delivery) got a call and had to leave. This left me all alone just minutes after seeing my son hauled out of the room with problems that were practically unknown to me. I remember feeling a whole different range of emotions. lonely. sad. scared. shocked. angry. overwhelmed. It was then and only then that I shed some tears. It all felt very surreal. This was not the birth I had wanted. Why did things have to turn out this way? I don't feel the way I expected to feel. I felt bad for having these feelings. Everything I had read talked about feelings of bliss and happiness. I was happy, don't get me wrong, I just felt like things weren't right and almost like I was having someone else's experience with their child, not mine. The feelings went away after I was able to go down to the NICU to see and hold him (this wasn't for a couple hours. The epi had to wear off enough for me to be able to move before they would let me go down).
I know a lot of these feelings were because of the situation. I really feel like I would have "enjoyed" everything a lot more if I would have gotten the home birth that I wanted, if Taegen didn't have to go to the NICU, if I was able to hold him immediately afterwards, etc. I don't feel like the connection between mother and child came until the next day. It was then that we were able to be more "parents" to him and hold him whenever we wanted. I still loved him, but I didn't really feel like he was mine until the next day.
I don't know if any of this is making sense but I felt that I needed to "journal" my feelings even though they weren't 100% positive or happy.
***I love my son with all my heart. None of the things I was feeling were negative towards him. More so towards the situation. I am in no way saying I didn't love him or want him. I just want to make that clear.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Taegen update
My little boy is getting so big! It's crazy. I know everyone always says that about their kids, but you don't really understand till it starts happening to you. He is such a handful! If he wasn't so darn cute I swear I'd go insane.
- He is talking so much. I see other kids his age and most of them aren't talking near as much as T is. He will copy everything you say. We quickly realized we have to watch what we say. He walks around asking "what are you doing?" Then when you ask what he's doing he'll copy your answer. Lately when I put him down for a nap or bedtime when I'm about to walk out of the room he says "MOM! What are you doing?" He's such a little manipulator. haha
- He has started throwing tantrums when he doesn't get what he wants.
- He's loving spiderman. Its the only non cartoon movie he'll sit down and watch.
- He hasn't been eating hardly anything. I swear he's living off of pb & honey sandwiches, plain bread, cereal, any sugar he can get his hands on, and plain noodles. Occasionally I can get him to eat some fruit.
- when you give him something he'll say "Thank". When we say you're welcome, he says thank again, then we say you're welcome. He repeats this at least 10 times.
- He says bless you after anyone sneezes.
- He asks to go to the water park all the time, but never actually plays in the water (unless it's the one on main in stg. That one has the river that he likes). he doesn't like the water splashing him from above.
- He constantly asks to go to the store or bank. He loves the bank because he gets suckers.
- Every time we go into stg he asks if we are going to see his cousins. He says "Asher? Avaree? Olivia? Lucas? Ledger? Berkley? Hudsen? Hanna?" (but of course he can't pronouce all the names so it sounds even cuter. He goes through everyone he can think of at the time. He loves playing with his cousins.
- He calls potatoes, noodles, rice (any main dish like that) "Taoes" (tatoes)
- He still loves McQueen, Mater, or any character from the cars movies. He doesn't watch the movies as often anymore though.
- He loves anything gun, dinosaur or airplane related. Anytime he hears what he thinks is an airplane outside he says "Quiet, listen, see it? sky".
- He also loves motorcycles. he calls jet skis, four wheelers, skooters, anything small like that a motorcycle.
- He asks to give the baby hugs. He'll raise my shirts until he gets to bare skin then rest his head on my stomach. Sometimes he'll give her kisses too.
- Anytime he tries sometime new or even just randomly when he's eating he'll say "try it, like it". It's a song off of Yo Gabba Gabba.
- He can "sing" Twinkle Twinkle little star, happy birthday, head shoulders knees and toes, some songs off of Yo Gabba Gabba, and a song off of one of the Land Before Times. I say "sing" because he only repeats the words with no actual tune.
- Whenever he hears an ambulance go by he gets really excited and says "aien". It sounds like he's saying alien.
- He's still into EVERYTHING! Constantly going. None of the kids on my side of the family have near as much energy or get into near as much stuff as T does. It must be an Evertsen gene.
- He loves swimming! I bought him some floaties and he just goes and goes. He will jump in and if we aren't careful he'll try to run in without us.
I'm a little nervous how he's going to respond when the baby comes. He's very much a mommas boy and I don't think he's going to like sharing me. Anytime I'm holding another baby he comes up and tries to sit on my lap too. I'm trying to come up with ways to help him adjust (having the new baby "give" him a present when he comes to see us in the hospital, having the baby in her bassinet thing instead of us holding her and letting him go to her on his own without us forcing him. Reading him positive books about becoming a big brother...stuff like that).
I love having a toddler running around. He's such a handful and wears me out by the end of the day. But I wouldn't change it for anything. We love you buddy!!
21 weeks
I finally took a picture! I haven't taken any so far because I've felt like I just looked super fat. But I think I'm finally actually starting to look pregnant. I know I'm going to regret the fact that I haven't taken any pictures until now. But I really didn't want to document pictures of "fat" me. haha. I know it's lame.
Here's 2 pics that are pretty much the exact same, I just didn't want to only post 1 pic of my sour puss face. I really wasn't mad, so I had to add a half smiling one.
- I've started to feel a lot better, Knock on wood! Thats mainly just because I have a better understanding of what I can and can't eat. I've gotten in the habit of asking or reading EVERY SINGLE LABEL to make sure it's safe. 95% of the time it's not, so it's a good think I checked. I don't think I'll be able to eat garlic until she's actually here.
- I feel her move all the time. Jon's only been able to feel 1 small kick so far. Every time I'm about to have him try to feel she stops moving.
- I think my due date is going to be pushed back 4 days. I won't find out until next week at my appointment, but the ultrasound said I was 18 w 1 d instead of 18 w 5 d. I don't really care either way. My contractions started on my due date with T and he was born 2 days later. So if they move my due date back, then maybe she'll come closer to on time. I always plan on being about a week late (that tends to be the pattern with my family). Plus that way I'm not disappointed when I pass my due date. Gotta try to stay positive when you're that miserable right?! haha
cars
Taegen loves cars. The other day Jon decided he'd take him out in the backyard and show him all the cars that drive by (our backyard faces a busy main road). Taegen loved it!
Monday, May 14, 2012
5,6 & 7
I've slacked on updating, so now I'm going to do my best to remember.
Day 5
He didn't cry when I put him down for his nap. I don't remember how long he slept for, but I think it was around 2 hours. For bedtime we kept him awake until 8:30 and he went straight to sleep. He woke up and cried for 30-45 mins, but I just let him cry. I knew if I went up there it wouldn't help him. So I turned off my monitor (which didn't really help since I could still hear him) and tried to go back to sleep. He eventually calmed down and we both fell back asleep. PROGRESS!! :)
Day 6
No nap. He was too busy playing in the water outside at grandmas. Bedtime we kept him awake until later again and he went straight to sleep. We woke up in the middle of the night, but only cried for a few minutes then went straight to sleep until 7:30.
Day 7
We went straight down for his nap (slept for 2 1/2 hours) and he SLEPT ALL NIGHT LONG!!!
I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am!! It took him a week, but he's finally adjusted. PHEW. Now I just hope he continues to sleep good.
Day 5
He didn't cry when I put him down for his nap. I don't remember how long he slept for, but I think it was around 2 hours. For bedtime we kept him awake until 8:30 and he went straight to sleep. He woke up and cried for 30-45 mins, but I just let him cry. I knew if I went up there it wouldn't help him. So I turned off my monitor (which didn't really help since I could still hear him) and tried to go back to sleep. He eventually calmed down and we both fell back asleep. PROGRESS!! :)
Day 6
No nap. He was too busy playing in the water outside at grandmas. Bedtime we kept him awake until later again and he went straight to sleep. We woke up in the middle of the night, but only cried for a few minutes then went straight to sleep until 7:30.
Day 7
We went straight down for his nap (slept for 2 1/2 hours) and he SLEPT ALL NIGHT LONG!!!
I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am!! It took him a week, but he's finally adjusted. PHEW. Now I just hope he continues to sleep good.
Friday, May 11, 2012
Day 3 & 4 summary
Day 3
Things are just getting worse. I put him down for his nap and he SCREAMED for an hour before he fell asleep. He slept for 2 hours. When I say screamed, I mean like he was screaming bloody murder, as if I'd just abused him or something.
Bedtime was the exact same. I went to go put him down and the minutes I started walking up the stairs all hell broke loose. The exact same kind of scream. I've only heard him scream like that a couple times in my life. He was ornery all day and I had just reached my limit. I put him down and left the room in tears. I went to talk to Jon then I went in the bathroom, turned on the fan (thats the only way I couldn't hear his blood curdling screams) and I took a bath. I needed some me time and to be able to relax. I don't know how long he cried for but by the time I got out an hour later he was asleep. Before I went to bed I said a prayer and asked Heavenly Father to just let him sleep all night long. I knew I wouldn't be able to handle being up all night again with him. Luckily He knows me well enough to know that I really needed to be able to sleep all night, and Taegen did sleep through the night.
Day 4
He woke up happy (since he slept through the night..WooHooo!) We ended up having to go into Stg so he didn't get a nap. After my melt down last night Jon suggested we keep T up later than normal to wear him out a little more. So we did that and he willingly said good night to dad and fell right asleep :) Oh I was over joyed!! Looks like we might have to do that from now on. He did wake up at 11:00 and I was unable to calm him down again. After a half an hour he calmed down and fell back asleep until 6:45.
Things are just getting worse. I put him down for his nap and he SCREAMED for an hour before he fell asleep. He slept for 2 hours. When I say screamed, I mean like he was screaming bloody murder, as if I'd just abused him or something.
Bedtime was the exact same. I went to go put him down and the minutes I started walking up the stairs all hell broke loose. The exact same kind of scream. I've only heard him scream like that a couple times in my life. He was ornery all day and I had just reached my limit. I put him down and left the room in tears. I went to talk to Jon then I went in the bathroom, turned on the fan (thats the only way I couldn't hear his blood curdling screams) and I took a bath. I needed some me time and to be able to relax. I don't know how long he cried for but by the time I got out an hour later he was asleep. Before I went to bed I said a prayer and asked Heavenly Father to just let him sleep all night long. I knew I wouldn't be able to handle being up all night again with him. Luckily He knows me well enough to know that I really needed to be able to sleep all night, and Taegen did sleep through the night.
Day 4
He woke up happy (since he slept through the night..WooHooo!) We ended up having to go into Stg so he didn't get a nap. After my melt down last night Jon suggested we keep T up later than normal to wear him out a little more. So we did that and he willingly said good night to dad and fell right asleep :) Oh I was over joyed!! Looks like we might have to do that from now on. He did wake up at 11:00 and I was unable to calm him down again. After a half an hour he calmed down and fell back asleep until 6:45.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Day 2 summary
I'm documenting his process in this because there are a lot of little things that I don't remember that I know I'm going to wish I had written down when I need the info with this little peanut.
yesterday for nap time T did awesome. He didn't even cry! He just went straight to sleep and slept for 2 hours! Yay!! Bedtime however was a completely different story.
I put him down a 1/2 hour later so I knew he was tired. He still fussed and cried for at least 30 minutes before falling asleep. Then he woke up at 11, but fell back asleep shortly after. 2:30 he woke up and was screaming bloody murder. I laid in bed debating whether or not to go check on him for 10+ minutes. I know a lot of people would tell me I should just let him cry it out. But I couldn't sleep and knew if I didn't go check on him it would last for hours. So I went upstairs and all he wanted was a drink. I thought he fell back asleep, but at 3:30 he was up again. (me on the other hand never did fall back asleep). He claimed he needed some "medicine". I just gave him some water in a syringe and told him he needed to go back so sleep. He then wanted to be picked up and told me he was hungry. I knew he was just trying to manipulate me so I just gave him a kiss and walked out. He screamed bloody murder for another hour before falling back to sleep until 7:15am.
It's only been 2 days and I'm already exhausted. Granted last night I was up from 2:30-4:30 unable to sleep. And this morning so far he's been super ornery. I'm so ready for this to be done and over with. If I haven't said it already, I'm going to do be best to make sure this baby is not a binky baby! Taegs only got his binky during nap/bedtime and I'm still miserable. I can't even imagine what it would have been like if he was sucking on it all the time. Gotta look on the bright side of things to get me through, huh.
yesterday for nap time T did awesome. He didn't even cry! He just went straight to sleep and slept for 2 hours! Yay!! Bedtime however was a completely different story.
I put him down a 1/2 hour later so I knew he was tired. He still fussed and cried for at least 30 minutes before falling asleep. Then he woke up at 11, but fell back asleep shortly after. 2:30 he woke up and was screaming bloody murder. I laid in bed debating whether or not to go check on him for 10+ minutes. I know a lot of people would tell me I should just let him cry it out. But I couldn't sleep and knew if I didn't go check on him it would last for hours. So I went upstairs and all he wanted was a drink. I thought he fell back asleep, but at 3:30 he was up again. (me on the other hand never did fall back asleep). He claimed he needed some "medicine". I just gave him some water in a syringe and told him he needed to go back so sleep. He then wanted to be picked up and told me he was hungry. I knew he was just trying to manipulate me so I just gave him a kiss and walked out. He screamed bloody murder for another hour before falling back to sleep until 7:15am.
It's only been 2 days and I'm already exhausted. Granted last night I was up from 2:30-4:30 unable to sleep. And this morning so far he's been super ornery. I'm so ready for this to be done and over with. If I haven't said it already, I'm going to do be best to make sure this baby is not a binky baby! Taegs only got his binky during nap/bedtime and I'm still miserable. I can't even imagine what it would have been like if he was sucking on it all the time. Gotta look on the bright side of things to get me through, huh.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Day 1 summary
Day 1 without the binky went fairly well. Taegs cried for an hour before going down for his nap then he only slept for an hour and a half instead of his normal 2-3 hours. Hopefully he'll work himself back up to that long.
Bedtime he did pretty good. I don't think he was very tired even though it was 1/2 hour after his normal bedtime. So he didn't want me to leave his room. After I left he cried, but not for near as long, maybe only 1/2 an hour and it was on and off. He woke up at midnight and I went up to make sure he was ok. I don't like to let him cry unless theres no other option. I always like to make sure that he's not crying because he threw up or something. I got up to his room and of course he was crying because he wanted his binky. He never told me thats what he wanted, but there was nothing I could do to calm him down. He eventually fell back asleep and I went and turned the monitor off. I knew that he would probably wake up again and there would be nothing I could do for him. So I didn't want to hear him or I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep. I did hear him again around 5, but I don't know if he woke up any other times. He didn't cry for very long before he fell back asleep, then he didn't wake up until 7:30.
In all of this he never once asked for his binky. I think he knows that he can't have it because it's gone. Normally he doesn't sleep if he doesn't have his binky, period. So I know having him involved and explaining things to him has helped. Hopefully day 2 goes smooth.
Bedtime he did pretty good. I don't think he was very tired even though it was 1/2 hour after his normal bedtime. So he didn't want me to leave his room. After I left he cried, but not for near as long, maybe only 1/2 an hour and it was on and off. He woke up at midnight and I went up to make sure he was ok. I don't like to let him cry unless theres no other option. I always like to make sure that he's not crying because he threw up or something. I got up to his room and of course he was crying because he wanted his binky. He never told me thats what he wanted, but there was nothing I could do to calm him down. He eventually fell back asleep and I went and turned the monitor off. I knew that he would probably wake up again and there would be nothing I could do for him. So I didn't want to hear him or I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep. I did hear him again around 5, but I don't know if he woke up any other times. He didn't cry for very long before he fell back asleep, then he didn't wake up until 7:30.
In all of this he never once asked for his binky. I think he knows that he can't have it because it's gone. Normally he doesn't sleep if he doesn't have his binky, period. So I know having him involved and explaining things to him has helped. Hopefully day 2 goes smooth.
Monday, May 7, 2012
It's about time
Taegen turned 2 last month and I knew I needed to break him of his binky habit. I've known I needed to do this for a long time but there was always an excuse (I wanted to wait until after the plane ride to visit Jon, then he got sick, then I wanted to wait until Jon got home and we had our own house again, etc) There was always an excuse I could fall back on to prolong this dreaded event. Now that we've been in our place for 3 month I know I no longer have an excuse to put it off.
I've read many different ways to go about doing it and making it easier on everyone involved. Last monday I took one of his binkies (I hid the others) and I cut some slits in it. I told him it was "broken" and it was giving his teeth "ouwies" so he couldn't put it in his mouth. I would let him hold it in his hand, but told him not to put it in his mouth. Well we all know how obedient 2 year olds are, and every time I went to get him from nap or bedtime he had the binky in his mouth. (He's only been allowed to have the binky for nap and bedtime for over 9 months now). He didn't really care that he didn't get the same sensation from sucking on it. He just wanted it in his mouth for comfort.
So today we threw it away. I literally made Taegen throw it in the trash can. I picked him up and told him that it was hurting his teeth so we needed to throw it away. He gave it kisses bye bye then happily threw it in the trash. I was hoping that was a good sign. I think I may have been wrong. I put him down for his nap a little before 1:30 and it's now 2:30 and he's just now stopped crying. I don't know yet if he's actually sleeping, but I sure hope he is.
I took away his binky during nap time about 6 months ago but he wasn't sleeping for very long (under an hour) so I ended up giving it back so he could get in a good nap. I'm getting the feeling it'll be the same this time around too. But I'm hoping that since he won't be getting it during bedtime either that he'll catch on more quickly and we all won't be miserable for too long.
I'm hoping this baby girl won't like binkys. I really don't want to have to do this again. Binkys can be so nice when they are young, but I almost feel that they cause more drama when they're older that using them at all isn't worth it. But we'll see how things go the next couple days. Hopefully we get SOME sleep.
Wish us luck :)
I've read many different ways to go about doing it and making it easier on everyone involved. Last monday I took one of his binkies (I hid the others) and I cut some slits in it. I told him it was "broken" and it was giving his teeth "ouwies" so he couldn't put it in his mouth. I would let him hold it in his hand, but told him not to put it in his mouth. Well we all know how obedient 2 year olds are, and every time I went to get him from nap or bedtime he had the binky in his mouth. (He's only been allowed to have the binky for nap and bedtime for over 9 months now). He didn't really care that he didn't get the same sensation from sucking on it. He just wanted it in his mouth for comfort.
So today we threw it away. I literally made Taegen throw it in the trash can. I picked him up and told him that it was hurting his teeth so we needed to throw it away. He gave it kisses bye bye then happily threw it in the trash. I was hoping that was a good sign. I think I may have been wrong. I put him down for his nap a little before 1:30 and it's now 2:30 and he's just now stopped crying. I don't know yet if he's actually sleeping, but I sure hope he is.
I took away his binky during nap time about 6 months ago but he wasn't sleeping for very long (under an hour) so I ended up giving it back so he could get in a good nap. I'm getting the feeling it'll be the same this time around too. But I'm hoping that since he won't be getting it during bedtime either that he'll catch on more quickly and we all won't be miserable for too long.
I'm hoping this baby girl won't like binkys. I really don't want to have to do this again. Binkys can be so nice when they are young, but I almost feel that they cause more drama when they're older that using them at all isn't worth it. But we'll see how things go the next couple days. Hopefully we get SOME sleep.
Wish us luck :)
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